FUNNY NEW ZEILENDER

This is funny, but at the same time soooo wrong

Wow Can Someone Please Explain What This Is...?

Monkey Butt Power???????

I Hope This Works For

Well I know I haven't updated in a long time, but I saw this video and thought it was pretty funny. I am not a city-slicker, so maybe this is the site for me?!?!

They Have My Vote

Wow Dale Hanson is Pissed about the PAC MAN

I'm sorry but I've got to disagree. I know how bad it looks to sign the Pac Man, but outside of the strip clubs and on the field he is really elite. Waah wah wah wah wah, he could eat all the dots.....

How Not to Pick Up Girls

I would like to thank Max Reinbach for finding this video. Thanks Max, it's hilarious.

DeVinny's Guarantees

Well all it has been a long time since I have added my own personal content to the blog and I apologize for my writers block as of late. Hopefully my creative genius that can only be described as wisdom will return over the next couple months. Well on to the guarantees.....

1. I will start by guaranteeing that the Dallas Mavericks win their game tonight against the Hornets and will end up winning the series in 6 games... I must give credit to New Orleans arena sound guy for adding the WOOOOH! after each time they score. That might be one of the most elite stadium sound bites ever.

2. Staying with basketball, I am going to make my NBA finals guarantee. Celtics v. Spurs. Spurs in 6 games. My reasoning is this, until I see a team that can match up and beat the Spurs handily in one game I just cannot pick against them as much as I hate them.... I am so against the Mavs and the Jason Kidd trade by the way and it could lead to an early exit for them...

3. I guarantee that some new content will soon be added to the blog. I know that as of late the blog has just become me seeing random funny videos online and then me putting them up for all to see. This doesn't need to become a blog of videos and no personal content, I just wont allow it. Ideas for new content will be thrown out soon....

4. I guarantee that this will be the first time in years I walk away happy from the NFL Draft. I am a huge fan of the draft and have been known to watch it into the late 2nd round and even the early 3rd round. Yes I listen to them talk about the same thing over and over for hours. Why is that? I do it because I love football more than anything. Anyway, I will be happy for the first time because I have a feeling the Cowboys are finally going to do something exciting and productive in the first round. Whether this be drafting an elite running back and a corner which they should do, or somehow trading one of their picks for the real Roy Williams, which would be so elite I cannot even imagine. Please be right on this one.........

5. I guarantee that the Texas Rangers will never become an elite team, and I'm using the word in its true syntax, that being a championship team. Every year I get myself hyped up thinking they are going to turn it around and show signs of becoming successful, but each year they come out looking terrible. They are currently tied for the worst record in the MLB, which is such a joke. I am seriously considering converting to my first Colorado sports team as a fan. I left the great state of Texas thinking this would never happen....ever, but I've got to say the Rockies are so much fun to watch and root for. Being that I live 2 blocks from the stadium and I plan on going to a lot of games because of the convienince and they are a lot of fun, it only makes sense that I make this conversion. I might get a lot of flack for this decision, and I'm sure last years success will make many believe that I am only doing this as a fairweather fan. I can understand this argument, but I've just got to have some team to root for in the months that football doesn't exist and the Rangers are slowly becoming non-existent.

6. I guarantee that Ric Flair goes down as the greatest professional wrestler of all time. Now I could go on and on for hours on why I think this, but to save time lets just look at his track record:
-16 time world wrestling champion
-He was a wheeling dealing, kiss stealing, limo riding, jet flying, son of a gun
-He had the most elite platinum blonde haircut of any human being alive, seriously
-He wore custom tailored suits at all times not wrestling, and elaborate flowing robes while wrestling
-He lived in a glass house on the big side of town
-His shoes cost more than any car any of us drive
-He has more cars than most of us have friends
-He literally had skin made of tanned leather
-The guy had 80s-like attractive women around him at all times
-Finally, he was the definition of ELITE

Well that's all that I've got for now. Look for further updates and new content in the upcoming future.

I love these skittles commercials...

Another Great Video...

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Another great video, I love youtube...

HAHA tell me some of you remember this commercial...

In Honor of April Fool's Day

http://view.break.com/480012 - Watch more free videos

In Honor of the Nature Boy's Retirement

Check out this MegaDeath Dog!

http://view.break.com/468548 - Watch more free videos

Haha

This Should Definitely Be Done

I am very pro-this being done. I am Irish, which is very very elite.

My New Medicinal Regiment

Felching is Dangerous

In Honor of Upcoming NBA All-Star Game, The Last True Dunk Contest

A few points:

- Remember when McGrady was on the Grizzlies? I didn't even know who he was compared to Vince Carter....

- The opening song of this video is probably one of my all time favorite rap songs, and also one of the only...

- OMG check out the end when they show all of the previous free-throw line dunks, Brent Barry has the longest out of everyone?!????? Brent Barry???????

This is AWESOME!

Thank God I didn't go to Northwestern...

This Should Have Been Up From the Beginning

This might as well be the story of my life if it could be anything I wanted it to be...

Man Movie Review of the Week

Road House

Now ladies and gentleman this has been a review I have been salivating on getting to write since the inception of this blog, and the many ideas I have had for it. To begin, for those that have not had the pleasure of seeing this movie, I suggest you go out this very instant and buy a copy for probably $3.99 at the local gas station. Do not let this cheap innuendo of a local gas station purchasing price stop you from watching what is in fact one the all time true MAN movies at its best. Patrick Swayze in this gives the model of MAN that which a Greek soldier must have looked upon before battle in the older days....whatever that truly means. Anyway, to the review:

Road House is a simple story about a hardcore nightclub bouncer named on Dalton, now is that a man name or what. Dalton is known wherever he resides as being the law and order of the nightly establishment he works in, and every man, woman and child knows this without saying. A entrepreneur down on his luck for not being able to politely run his fine establishment, the Double Deuce, recruits Dalton to come and clean up his joint. Dalton without hesitation takes on this challenge and soon finds out it could become one that is more than he can bear. From the moment when he first arrives at this hell hole full of swine, drugs, and whores he knows that he will have his work cut out for him in order to clean up this joint. He begins immediately by setting the ground rules, aka asskicking those he doesn't feel necessary for his staff out of the Double D and gets right onto making this the kind of place you would take out a nice Friday night date. Soon the antagonist of the story comes into play, that being the wealthy "town owner" Wesley. Wesley believes that he can run and ruin just about anything in the town, usually done with a mob full of fattsos and hillbillies. Dalton as one would imagine doesn't take too kindly to this challenge and the two have their battles throughout most of the movie. Whether it is Wesley sending in his henchmen over and over to harass Dalton, or Dalton ripping the throat out of Wesley's main man, yes I did say rip the throat out... Sorry I got confused there by the pure manliness of ripping a man's throat out, I mean I might have to stop the review here and give it a 10 out 10, but alas I must go on. Anyway I have begun to ramble for sorts here; Dalton meets a smoking hot doctor lady that is coveted by Wesley. Dalton's friend from out of town comes in and helps him kick some ass as well and this is the basic premise of the story until the final showdown. I have become to feel like lately that in order for a movie to be truly manly it must constitute a final battle scene of some sort. Road House delivers in fine form as Dalton basically goes and destructors Wesley's mansion and all of his fat hillbillies. I am truly sorry, but there isn't so much more for me to write on this movie because besides the fact it's extremely manly it really has no plot whatsoever. If I had just wrote Dalton kicks major ass in a major manly fashion and put down a period it would have sufficed. To the final thoughts:

I have to give Road House a 9.5 out 10 on the manly factor, the reason for falling a tad bit short of perfection is only due to the complete lack of story and the fact that I would never watch this movie if it weren't so manly. It scores so high because it contains all of the necessities that constitute manliness. These being booze, women, sex, ass kicking, roundhouse kicking, and of course throat ripping (I cannot emphasize this enough).

I give the protagonist Dalton an easy 10 out 10 on the manly scale for basically making the movie on his manliness alone. I again will say this movie sucks without Dalton and throat slashing...

Okay, for those those know me and have an idea of what's going on with me right now, most of this probably didn't make any sense and I probably just rambled for most of it. But I am so bored to tears that I had to write something, and this is what I have come up with. Hopefully the reviews in the future will bring out more laughter and joy, but this is the best I could do on such short notice. Enjoy and look for further updates in the future. To all those out there reading the wisdom of the King, I do it for you....

The Pittsburgh Penguins are Terrible Actors

Man Movie Review of the Week

Tombstone

I will begin by saying this is probably one of my top 5 favorite movies ever made, bar none. The entire movie screams manliness so much that a true man would even lose his voice screaming. Tombstone contains just about every element that a man would consider to be manly. That being booze, babes, guns, gambling, and an elite character with a Southern draw. Without further adue, I give you the review:

Tombstone is a movie based on the life of the Western lawman Wyatt Earp and his brothers, oh and of course the best person in the movie Doc Holliday. I will go off on a full paragraph on how Doc is the definition of what it is to be manly later. Anyway the movie begins with disgruntled peacemaker Wyatt Earp meeting up with his brothers and deciding to move to Tombstone, Arizona. Tombstone is a small mining town that is overrun with debauchery, my kind of place. Wyatt goes in search of a new life but in stead gets caught up in a struggle with a band of outlaws known as the Cowboys (elite name by the way). The names of some of these outlaws are extremely manly, I mean Curly Bill and Johnny Ringo, these names alone elaborate on what it is like to be a bad ass. There are plenty of scenes throughout the movie that involve gambling and extreme boozing, both very masculine activities indeed. Every gambling scene in the movie contains Doc Holliday at his best, and that is piss drunk and winning. For those out there who are questioning their manhood, watch and analyze this character, and you will gain a multitude of man points. The movie goes on to follow the story of how Wyatt and his brothers fight a group of Cowboys at the famous OK Corral, and the later response by the Cowboys of killing Wyatt's brother Morgan and wounding his other brother Virgil. Watch closely after this occurs wannabe men, because what occurs after the climax of this movie is pure genius. Wyatt, in what can only be described as a trance of rage, exercises his vengeance on those that have attacked his family. After killing many of these Cowboys (including one Cowboy who takes a gun shot through the mouth thinking it's an opium pipe!!!) the final showdown scene occurs. I do not want to ruin this ending for those that have yet to spend a lonely Friday afternoon searching for manhood, but lets just say I know every word to the final showdown scene. Yes my friends, it is that manly.

I feel like I must spend an entire paragraph on a man who deserves to be in the Man hall of fame, if such a thing were to exist in life. The character of Doc Holliday is played by Val Kilmer, and let me say he is absolutely perfect for the part. This arrogant Southern gentleman is never afraid to throw around his twang in a poker game or a gunfight, and it leads to movie magic. He travels around the West playing poker and drinking himself to death, literally, and at all times is accompanied by a European hooker....umm nice. Not only can this man play poker, but he is one hell of a quick draw with a pistol. The scene where Johnny Ringo drunkenly stumbles around the streets of Tombstone challenging Wyatt Earp to a game that "plays for blood," shows the pure confidence of this haughty gentleman. The only quote that needs to be thrown out here is, "I'm your Huckleberry." So incredible, so freaking incredible ladies and gentleman. The final scene of the movie contains Doc and this is where he climaxes with an aura of true alpha male, yes once again "I'm your Huckleberry." Forgive me for starting to ramble on about this MAN, but I envy him in every way and form. I mean come on, the guy wakes up every day of his life and plays poker for 36 hours straight, polishes off entire bottles of whiskey by himself, sleeps with a Euro whore, and occasionally blows people away with a shotgun (or scatter gun in their time).

I will give my final thoughts about the movie below:

Tombstone receives a score of 10 out of 10 for manliness, I mean seriously if I could score over 10 I would award it to this movie easily.

My favorite character in the movie, Doc Holliday, scores a 10 out 10 as well in the manly factor. Read the paragraph above if you do not believe my words of wisdom.

Although I did in fact write very little about the movies protagonist, Wyatt Earp, he gets a 9 out of 10 on the manly scale for his heroic efforts in the latter stages of the movie.

My favorite quote of the movie, well its more of a dialogue, "Drunk piano player, you're so drunk, you're probably seeing double." "I have 2 guns, one for the each of you." -Doc Holliday in a fight scene with one of the Cowboys.

My friends and fellow bloggers, please enjoy this compilation below:

How I would throw a party

I was sent this video and had to put it on the blog. I would really like to meet this young chap with the famous sunglasses. Seriously though man, no apologies to the neighbors, that's messed up. When I had parties in high school I at least let the neighbors know what was going on so that they could let me know if it got out of hand, which it often did.... But that is besides the point. When I watch this video, it also makes me remember how much I love WINE....

Fat Kid (Hilarious)

Song of the Day

Waiting for a Girl Like You (Foreigner)

Ah yes, we come to one of my favorite ideas for this blog, and that is the song of the day. I cannot promise that there will be song added every day, but I can tell you when they are added the will contain plenty of meaning and commentary. This song has quite a few meanings in my life alone, but today for some reason I am feeling very sensual. For those that have had the pleasure of seeing my rendition of the beautiful ballad, know that the song has the mystical power of attracting the female gender with my soft words.

I'm not sure what it is about the great 80s rock band Foreigner, but its as if the words of this song paint a picture of what it means to express one's undying love for a woman. The sweet poetry of dedication is personified with words of when a lonely man finds a woman that he feels "make me feel alive." I feel that there can truly be no woman alive that would listen to this song and not feel love for this man. The agony of waiting so long for a woman so long that this man must burst out with "I've been waiting for a girl like you, to come into my life!" He believes it to more than a touch or a word he says when you love someone, but he knows it right from the moment he wakes up, that there is nowhere on earth he would rather be than holding her tenderly! Yes ladies and gentleman this is definitely a sweet ballad known rarely but for a few aching hearts, and holds the utmost power of emotion over all. I give you below the chance to view this masterpiece of art, that which it truly is:

The Hiring of Major Applewhite

I feel like this is a very important thing that requires my comments, so with out further adieu. I am extremely happen to be one of the many horns welcoming back the MAJOR. There are not that many people on this earth who hold the elite qualities of this offensive minded ginger. Although he will not have the play calling responsibilities that he did at Alabama, his hiring in my opinion is a sign of things to come.
I would like to take this time to reflect on my thoughts about Major and his contribution to the University. He was one of my favorite players of all time, and I feel those that do not know him should take a look below:


Not very elaborate, but this is all I could find on the Major. Expect good things Longhorn fans, the Major commands respect!

This Week's Edition of DeVinny's Guarantees

This is going to be a common post every week, and usually will be posted on Sundays. I was way too pissed off last night from the Cowboys game to write anything, so forgive my procrastination. Anyway off to this weeks guarantees:

1. I guarantee that Terrell Owens bitch ass fake crying act after the game last night will be ridiculed for many months to come, and that Tony Romo will probably be on a flight tomorrow back to Cancun to get some more of that sweet Jessica Simpson ass. (Part of me doesn't blaim him...)

2. I guarantee that Wade Phillips will retain his job as the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys, and he will continue onto next year looking like the biggest bozo every time the camera pans in his direction. I mean I hate to be condescending here, but the guys looks like a drugged up teddy bear every time I see him.

3. I guarantee that the Superbowl match-up will be between the Packers and the Patriots. The final score of the superbowl will be 38 - 17 New England, thats right count it. I also guarantee that Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers will be the best halftime in the history of mankind.

4. I guarantee that I am going to end up watching yet another episode of American Gladiators in an attempt to convince myself that it is as elite as the original, but will end up being disappointed because NBC has turned it into a reality show of sorts. And on a side note, as much as I love Hulk Hogan (He is a real American), I think this show would be leaps and bounds better with Ric "The Nature Boy" Flair as the host of the show. Who in their right minds wouldn't like to be watching and hear, "WHOOOOOOOOOOO, the wolf man demolishes his prey!!!" I know that I would.

5. I guarantee that I will hear another lost 80s rock song on the radio at work and come home and download it immediately off of itunes. Is it sad that I downloaded the song "Black Velvet" by Alannah Myles the other day...?

6. I guarantee that for the next 3 to 4 weeks that 50 percent of every Sportscenter will be dedicated to how the Patriots are the greatest team of all time, and how they could probably beat of team of God at QB handing the ball off to Hurricane Katrina. The remaining percent will fall in this order: 25 % to the Celtics, 20 % to USC, and then the remaining 5 % will be dedicated to those who don't live in Boston or Southern California. Give me an F-ing brake.

7. I guarantee that I will watch at least 10 to 15 Seinfeld's this week because it has slowly become one of my favorite shows ever. I also guarantee that I will soon be posting a Seinfeld episode of the week, and giving my thoughts on why I chose it. "You're killing independent George"

8. I guarantee that I will continue to pop vicoden each day at work until I run out. The reasoning behind this is because it basically sends me into a diluted state of being and makes me think that I am sitting on one of those circular chairs at roadside diners that spin around and around. Oh, and it also makes me not realize that I'm actually at work, but rather the diner I speak of.

That's really all I've got for this week's edition of DeVinny's guarantees. Stay tuned for next weeks edition that will probably guarantee more stuff about how much I hate ESPN.

Man Movie Review of the Week

The Karate Kid

For the inagural Man Movie review of the week I will start with one of my all time favorite movies, and that is The Karate Kid. Now some might question whether or not this movie constitutes a "Man Movie," although there are plenty of elements throughout this classic film that scream manliness. In one of Ralph Macchios one, and I hate to say only films of significance, he preforms brilliantly for a boy troubled with the issues of high school and what seems to be puberty.
Now from the beginning act of this movie, many would stand and wonder what about this movie truely makes you feel like a man while watching. Well I state this fact, it's the smooth moves of Macchio's character Daniel on the beach doing his best to hit on the young female character Ali Mills played by the beautiful Elisabeth Shue, and his fateful introduction to Johnny Lawrence and his gang of Cobra Ki warriors that start out one of the great protagonist vs antagonist stories of our time.
I will start out with what works in this movie to begin. First off there might not be any group of young men more manly that that of the Cobra Ki dojo warriors led by their young leader Johnny Lawrence. As Johnny and his gang of hoodlums harrass poor Daniel Larusso, a young misled boy from Jersey, one gets the manly sense of rooting for the members of Cobra Ki because they are true men. Although as the movie progresses, the pussy that is Daniel Larusso meets a mysterious Asian man known only as Mr. Miyagi, and his life is forever changed. The audience is left to be intrigued as Macchio's character is tested through grueling chores that his mysterious Manly Master Miyagi puts him through in order to secretly train him in the historic arts of karate. The bewildered Daniel begins to wonder why he has basically become this old Asian's bitch all of a sudden when the bullies that plague him continue to man up in the Kobra Ki Dojo...? But here in lies the true manliness of the movie, two lonely and troubled human beings who both happen to be males, find each other and give each other a special gift that each was lacking before. For Daniel its a path to beat pussyness, and for Miyagi it is a young boy he can teach karate, and probably later molest. I will progress past most of the movie because the major reason that I love this movie is because of the final karate championship scene that occurs in the All Valley Karate Championship. I invite you to go to the link below and see for yourself what truely defines being a man, and that is being "The Best Around"



This mighty musical montage by Joe Esposito is the perfect portrait of the males journey from a pussy to a real MAN, thats right Daniel Larusso, flamingo kick and all you are a MAN. While it might be true that this scene is the only true reason why I watch this movie, I cannot help but feel like more of a man after seeing the entire movie.

Well on to what I did not like about the movie. Well as I just mentioned above, pretty much the entire movie is slow and uninspiring until the final bell tolls in the last scence. I cannot help looking at Macchios character Daniel and thinking he is at least 10 years younger than Johnny Lawrence and his band of bullies. This unrealistic comparison between the protagonist and antagonist really chaps my butt. In any real life situation between the two men, Johnny would wipe the floor with Macchio's bitch ass. I also really hate the character of Daniel's mother. This South Jersey guido really got on my nerves the entire movie and would really take away any true maniless from any male child she mothered. Although she was in very few scenes in the movie, I would have taken her out of the movie completely.

Final thoughts:

Well on a scale from 1 to 10 I give The Karate Kid a stagering 7 in the score of manliness. The reason for such an average score is the lack of real grunting, beer drinking, blood spilling maniless that all we men truely strive for in a movie. Although it still scores highly mainly for the final scene alone, and the song that accompanies it.

I give Ralph Macchios character a 3 out of 10 on the manliness scale because even though he wins in the end, I know I could kick his ass easily.

My favorite character in the movie Johnny Lawrence scores a high 9 out of 10 on this manliness scale for his amazing acting job as a high school bully, his exquisite Halloween costume, and his aura of Ass kickingness throughout the movie. He also scores highly for the good sportsmanship he shows in the end by befriending young Larusso.

Quote of the Movie : "Put him in a body bag Johnny!!!" This is a quote that you have to listen closely to hear, but it occurs during the final fight scene between Johnny Lawrence and Daniel Larusso. This is one of the more witty quotes to come out of a young man's mouth, and because of it I have felt more like a man when I repeat it.

Overall this is not as manly as other movies out there, but its more of a heartfelt manliness that is felt after the movie that makes me enjoy it so much.

Stay tuned for more of the King's wisdom as I review my next Man Movie after thoroughly watching next Friday.

Welcome All

I would like to welcome everyone to the new site that is going to revolutionize the world of blogging! Thats right, the royal, rambunctious, renegade that I claim to be will now be dedicating my days to compiling lists, reviews, and the occasional narrative in order to brighten the lives of everyone that reads them.
I have many ideas and aspirations for this blog. There will be a section every week dedicated to DeVinny's guarantees, there will be a weekly review of a movie in honor of Man Movie Friday, hell I even plan on throwing in a song of the day. The ideas have become limitless and the will not stop coming. This will be no ordinary blog site dedicated to one central idea, but rather a compilation of many ideas, all of course with wisdom from the King himself.
As this is only the beginning of what is to become a site visited by many daily, I do not have much to say at this point, but I promise this blog will not fail to entertain...

Stay Tuned