Now ladies and gentleman this has been a review I have been salivating on getting to write since the inception of this blog, and the many ideas I have had for it. To begin, for those that have not had the pleasure of seeing this movie, I suggest you go out this very instant and buy a copy for probably $3.99 at the local gas station. Do not let this cheap innuendo of a local gas station purchasing price stop you from watching what is in fact one the all time true MAN movies at its best. Patrick Swayze in this gives the model of MAN that which a Greek soldier must have looked upon before battle in the older days....whatever that truly means. Anyway, to the review:
Road House is a simple story about a hardcore nightclub bouncer named on Dalton, now is that a man name or what. Dalton is known wherever he resides as being the law and order of the nightly establishment he works in, and every man, woman and child knows this without saying. A entrepreneur down on his luck for not being able to politely run his fine establishment, the Double Deuce, recruits Dalton to come and clean up his joint. Dalton without hesitation takes on this challenge and soon finds out it could become one that is more than he can bear. From the moment when he first arrives at this hell hole full of swine, drugs, and whores he knows that he will have his work cut out for him in order to clean up this joint. He begins immediately by setting the ground rules, aka asskicking those he doesn't feel necessary for his staff out of the Double D and gets right onto making this the kind of place you would take out a nice Friday night date. Soon the antagonist of the story comes into play, that being the wealthy "town owner" Wesley. Wesley believes that he can run and ruin just about anything in the town, usually done with a mob full of fattsos and hillbillies. Dalton as one would imagine doesn't take too kindly to this challenge and the two have their battles throughout most of the movie. Whether it is Wesley sending in his henchmen over and over to harass Dalton, or Dalton ripping the throat out of Wesley's main man, yes I did say rip the throat out... Sorry I got confused there by the pure manliness of ripping a man's throat out, I mean I might have to stop the review here and give it a 10 out 10, but alas I must go on. Anyway I have begun to ramble for sorts here; Dalton meets a smoking hot doctor lady that is coveted by Wesley. Dalton's friend from out of town comes in and helps him kick some ass as well and this is the basic premise of the story until the final showdown. I have become to feel like lately that in order for a movie to be truly manly it must constitute a final battle scene of some sort. Road House delivers in fine form as Dalton basically goes and destructors Wesley's mansion and all of his fat hillbillies. I am truly sorry, but there isn't so much more for me to write on this movie because besides the fact it's extremely manly it really has no plot whatsoever. If I had just wrote Dalton kicks major ass in a major manly fashion and put down a period it would have sufficed. To the final thoughts:
I have to give Road House a 9.5 out 10 on the manly factor, the reason for falling a tad bit short of perfection is only due to the complete lack of story and the fact that I would never watch this movie if it weren't so manly. It scores so high because it contains all of the necessities that constitute manliness. These being booze, women, sex, ass kicking, roundhouse kicking, and of course throat ripping (I cannot emphasize this enough).
I give the protagonist Dalton an easy 10 out 10 on the manly scale for basically making the movie on his manliness alone. I again will say this movie sucks without Dalton and throat slashing...
Okay, for those those know me and have an idea of what's going on with me right now, most of this probably didn't make any sense and I probably just rambled for most of it. But I am so bored to tears that I had to write something, and this is what I have come up with. Hopefully the reviews in the future will bring out more laughter and joy, but this is the best I could do on such short notice. Enjoy and look for further updates in the future. To all those out there reading the wisdom of the King, I do it for you....
I am a simple man, one so simple as to claim royalty... Although it has not always been a claim, but rather a godsend. I enjoy many things in life, but this blog might have become the central point in my day.
